Mom Anxiety vs. Normal Worry: A Therapist’s Guide to Postpartum Anxiety.
You're standing in the nursery at 3 AM, bouncing your crying baby for the hundredth time this week, and the thought hits you like a wave: What if I drop her? What if something terrible happens and it's my fault?
Your heart races. Your palms sweat. You're exhausted but afraid to sleep because what if you don't hear her? Your best friend's Instagram shows her looking refreshed, her baby peacefully sleeping, while you're battling intrusive thoughts that terrify you. And that voice in your head—the one that used to push you to excel at work—now whispers that you're not just failing, but that you might actually be dangerous to your baby.
If this sounds familiar, you're not experiencing typical new mom jitters. You may be dealing with postpartum anxiety—a condition that affects up to 1 in 5 new mothers and is far more common than postpartum depression.
What is Mom Anxiety? (And Why It's More Than Just Worry)
You might casually refer to it as Mom Anxiety, but clinically, this is known as Postpartum Anxiety. Postpartum anxiety isn't the same as normal new-parent worries. Yes, all new moms worry about their babies—that's natural. But postpartum anxiety is characterized by excessive, persistent worry that interferes with your daily life and your ability to enjoy motherhood.
Understanding the difference between normal postpartum worry and postpartum anxiety: Normal new mom worry happens occasionally and is manageable—you might check on your sleeping baby once or twice, feel concerned when they have a fever, or worry before pediatrician appointments, but you can still sleep when baby sleeps and enjoy moments with your newborn.
Postpartum anxiety, however, is relentless and disproportionate to the situation. You can't stop the racing thoughts even when everything is objectively fine. You check on your baby compulsively (every few minutes, setting alarms throughout the night), experience physical symptoms like chest tightness or nausea that don't resolve, avoid normal activities because of fear (won't let anyone else hold baby, won't leave the house, won't let baby sleep in the crib), and find that reassurance from your partner or pediatrician only provides temporary relief before the anxiety returns. If your worry is interfering with bonding, sleep, daily functioning, or causing you significant distress—and it's been going on for more than two weeks—it's likely postpartum anxiety that needs professional attention from a postpartum anxiety therapist.
Common symptoms of postpartum anxiety include:
Racing thoughts that you can't shut off, even when baby is sleeping
Physical symptoms: heart palpitations, chest tightness, nausea, difficulty breathing
Constant worry about your baby's health and safety, even when everything is fine
Hypervigilance and inability to relax or rest
Difficulty sleeping even when you have the opportunity
Repetitive behaviors like checking on baby constantly or googling symptoms obsessively
Feeling like you need to control everything to keep baby safe
Overwhelming sense of dread that something bad will happen
Meet Lauren, 31, a Bay Area tech worker turned new mom. Before her daughter was born, Lauren managed teams and made confident decisions. Now, three months postpartum, she checks her baby's breathing every five minutes, even setting alarms throughout the night. She can't leave the house without running through mental checklists repeatedly. Her mom anxiety has become so consuming that she's stopped seeing friends and barely leaves the nursery. Lauren didn't realize this was postpartum anxiety—she thought she was just being a "careful" mom.
Who is at risk for Mom Anxiety?
PMADs are the most common complication of childbirth, affecting up to 1 in 5 women during pregnancy or within the first year postpartum. Postpartum anxiety specifically affects between 11-21% of new mothers and often co-occurs with postpartum depression. Research reveals significant disparities in who experiences PMADs: Studies suggest that 29-44% of Black women experience postpartum depressive symptoms, and Black perinatal individuals are more than twice as likely to experience postpartum depressive symptoms than their non-Hispanic white counterparts. These disparities are driven by racism-related stress, systemic inequities in healthcare access, and implicit bias from providers—not biological differences. Risk factors for PMADs include a history of anxiety or depression, birth trauma, lack of social support, financial stress, and exposure to discrimination. Understanding that postpartum anxiety is a clinical disorder—not a personal failing—is the first step toward getting proper help from a specialist trained in perinatal mental health.
Understanding the Different Types of Postpartum Anxiety
Not all postpartum anxiety looks the same. Understanding the nuances of your symptoms can help you get the right support from a therapist who specializes in postpartum anxiety.
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This involves excessive worry about your baby's wellbeing, your performance as a mother, and constant "what if" scenarios. You might feel on edge, have trouble concentrating, and experience physical anxiety symptoms. You know your worry is excessive, but you can't seem to turn it off.
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Postpartum OCD affects up to 3-5% of new mothers and is often misunderstood. It involves intrusive thoughts—unwanted, disturbing thoughts or mental images that pop into your head, often about harm coming to your baby.
Critical distinction: Women with postpartum OCD are terrified by these thoughts and would never act on them. These thoughts are ego-dystonic (completely against who you are) and cause extreme distress.
Intrusive thoughts might sound like:
Images of accidentally dropping or hurting your baby
Thoughts about your baby suffocating or being harmed
Fears that you might "snap" and hurt your baby
Rachel, 28, a Sacramento nurse, started having intrusive thoughts when her son was two weeks old. She'd imagine accidentally smothering him while nursing or dropping him down the stairs. These thoughts horrified her so much that she stopped carrying him near stairwells and would hand him to her partner whenever the thoughts appeared. She was terrified to tell anyone, convinced they'd think she was a danger to her baby. It took months before she learned this was postpartum OCD and that it was treatable.
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Birth trauma affects approximately 9% of women who give birth and can lead to postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Birth trauma occurs when a woman experiences her labor and delivery as physically or emotionally traumatic—this can include emergency C-sections, feeling unheard or disrespected by medical staff, experiencing severe pain or complications, fearing for her or her baby's life, or feeling a loss of control during the birth process. What makes something "traumatic" isn't just what happened objectively, but how you experienced it—your birth can be medically uncomplicated yet still feel traumatic to you.
Postpartum PTSD symptoms include:
Intrusive memories or flashbacks of the birth experience
Nightmares about the delivery or similar medical scenarios
Intense anxiety or panic when reminded of the birth (seeing the hospital, hearing certain sounds, medical appointments)
Avoidance of anything related to the birth (not wanting to talk about it, avoiding the hospital route, skipping postpartum appointments)
Hypervigilance and feeling constantly on edge
Difficulty bonding with baby because they're a reminder of the trauma
Anger, guilt, or shame about how the birth went
Many women with birth trauma experience anticipatory anxiety about future pregnancies or medical procedures. They may also struggle with intrusive thoughts about what could have gone wrong or replay the traumatic moments repeatedly in their minds. It's important to understand that birth trauma is real and valid regardless of whether others view your birth as "traumatic"—if it felt traumatic to you, it was traumatic. EMDR therapy is particularly effective for processing birth trauma and reducing postpartum PTSD symptoms, helping you reclaim a sense of safety in your body and with your baby.
Why Postpartum Anxiety Happens (It's Not Your Fault)
Mom anxiety and postpartum anxiety are not character flaws or signs of weakness. They're real medical conditions caused by:
Hormonal changes: The dramatic drop in estrogen and progesterone after birth affects mood regulation and anxiety
Sleep deprivation: Lack of sleep dysregulates your nervous system, making anxiety worse
Identity shift: The transition to motherhood involves profound psychological adjustment
Previous anxiety or trauma: If you had anxiety before pregnancy or experienced birth trauma, you're at higher risk
Lack of support: Isolation and insufficient help increase vulnerability to postpartum anxiety
Biological sensitivity: Some women's brains are simply more vulnerable to perinatal mood disorders
Understanding that postpartum anxiety has a biological and psychological basis can help reduce shame. Your brain is responding to massive changes—this doesn't mean you're a bad mother or that there's something fundamentally wrong with you.
The Good News: Postpartum Anxiety is Highly Treatable
Here's what you need to know: postpartum anxiety responds exceptionally well to treatment but it does require a specialist. Working with a therapist who specializes in postpartum anxiety you’ll see significant improvement within weeks to months. In addition to seeing a postpartum anxiety therapist, start with these three strategies:
3 Strategies to Managing Postpartum Anxiety Right Now:
1. Name What You're Experiencing
If you're having intrusive thoughts, know this: intrusive thoughts are symptoms of postpartum OCD, not predictions or desires. They are the opposite of what you want. Recognizing them as symptoms, not truth, is the first step.
Reframe: "This is an intrusive thought caused by postpartum OCD. It doesn't mean I want this to happen or that I'm dangerous."
2. Connect with Other Moms Who Understand
You're not alone in this. Organizations like Postpartum Support International offer free resources, support groups, and a helpline (1-800-944-4773) where you can talk to someone who gets it.
For some solidarity and honest humor about the messy reality of motherhood, check out @scarymommy on Instagram—sometimes knowing other moms are struggling too (and laughing about it) helps reduce the isolation.
3. Refrain from Googling Symptoms at 3 AM
Anxiety loves Google. Every search reinforces the worry and gives your brain more "what ifs" to obsess over. If you're compulsively googling, that's a sign your mom anxiety needs professional support, not more information.
There IS a Solution to Your Mom Anxiety.
I know it might feel like this anxiety will last forever, but it won't. With proper treatment from a postpartum anxiety therapist, you can:
Quiet the racing thoughts and constant worry
Understand and manage intrusive thoughts without fear
Feel safe and confident caring for your baby
Sleep peacefully when you have the chance
Enjoy motherhood instead of just surviving it
Reconnect with yourself and your life
Postpartum anxiety is not a life sentence. It's a treatable condition, and you deserve to feel better.
You are not failing. You are not broken. You are experiencing a medical condition that responds to treatment.
At Zyla Care, we specialize in postpartum anxiety treatment for Bay Area moms and moms across California. Our therapists are trained to work specifically with postpartum OCD, intrusive thoughts, and postpartum panic—we understand the nuances of what you're experiencing, and we know how to help.
Therapy for moms across California | San Francisco | Berkeley | Sacramento | Bay Area
Need immediate support?
Call Postpartum Support International's helpline: 1-800-944-4773
Or text "HELP" to 800-944-4773
